Ghosts of Dreams

by TR Kelley

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02:53
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02:49
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05:25
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about

recorded mixed and mastered at Don Ross Productions - Eugene Oregon www.donrossproductions.com

credits

released July 1, 1997

TR Kelley - acoustic & bass guitars, vocals, piano on #14
Debbie Diedrich - piano on #9

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TR Kelley Swisshome, Oregon

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Track Name: Down to the Desert
going down to the desert
she's been calling my name
don't know what i'll find there
just got to get out of this rain
it's a journey i should have taken many years ago
just got a good reason reason to pack it up and go

cuz i can't see myself from here
through the fog and the mist and the tears
cuz i can't see myself very clear
and the time of change is drawing near

you don't know where i'm going
cuz you don't know where i've been
until you know my beginnings
how can you know my ends
i come from bitter darkness,
and i'm moving into the light
making peace with all my pieces
and a thousand dreamless nights

and i can't hear your voice from here
and i can't make a choice from here
and i can't see the end from here
and i know i will transcend my fear

i have been a child of dark northwestern rain
brooding melancholy, tears upon my windowpane
but i hear the sun, she's calling me to sand and sweat and sky
i will raise my arms in ecstacy, and let my spirit fly

and the questions in my heart disappear
as i look into your mirror
and the visions are becoming so clear
distance known and finally near

i did not know that i was penned until i saw the gate
now i run to freedom, no more time to hesitate
fences, walls and razor wire, memories of pain
i can leave it all behind me now, rusting in the rain

and the sun on my soul feels fine
and the time on my mind is kind
and the lines we have drawn are fine
so won't you pour me one more glass of dark red wine
Track Name: Ghosts of Dreams
days are getting shorter
the leaves are coming down
autumn melancholy
sneaks softly into town
i have lost all sense of spring
i have tied my feelings down
but if my thoughts could take to wing
they'd migrate to your little town

and they'll wake you in the nighttime
roused from slumber staring at the moon
you may feel my restless spirit
somewhere in your shadowed room
some things are better left unsaid
some things are better left for dead
ghosts of dreams can turn your head
away from living

nights are getting longer
rains are coming down
and they're wrapped
around steamy dreams and regrets
in red brick espresso cafes downtown
with sketchbooks and journals
elaborate artistic disguise
no rationale no reason needed
i see the red-rimmed eyes

and they wake in the nighttime
roused from slumber staring at the moon
try and send their restless spirits to some distant shadowed room...
some things are better left unsaid
some things are better left for dead
ghosts of dreams can turn your head
away from living

raining still at midnight
no one on the streets as i finally head for home
i sang one for you tonight
and funny how it shook so many others to the bone
the shy and unrequited,
those that finally fell apart at frayed and fragile seams
they pick up the pieces & the pictures
the letters and memories of disembodied dreams

and they wake in the nighttime
roused from slumber staring at the moon
try and send their restless spirits to some distant shadowed room...
some things are better left unsaid
some things are better left for dead
ghosts of dreams can turn your head
away from living

crystal fall morning
the world is washed in amber and red
time and seasons turning
l have chased that phantom
from my head
sometimes i wake in the nighttime
roused from slumber
staring at the moon
i can feel my restless spirit
seeking your sultry shadowed room
some things are better left unsaid
some things are better left for dead
ghosts of dreams can turn your head
away from living
ghosts of dreams try to turn my head
away from living
Track Name: Boychild
boychild son of mine
you are a gift from beyond space a love divine
boychild son of mine
tiny wonder full of life
blessed be the starlight in your eyes
will you be gentle like your daddy
will you be hard around the edges like your mom
wherever the road of life may take you
have strength and joy to carry on
boychild son of mine
little man so new yet wise
blessed be the laughter in your eyes
boychild son of mine
from my body flows your life
timeless joy unfolding in the night
you are loved by your sisters
the one who's here
and the one who couldn't stay
but i think that she's the one who sent you to us
blessed be the circle here today
Track Name: Not So Far To Fall
you build castles in the air as i shatter all my stones
give my water to the desert such a long way from my home
we are strangers in a stranger land silent in our dreams
your walls were unexpected, your distance unforseen

i can feel your ragged edges but the wanting calls my name
i paint quiet yearning pictures try to hang them in your frame
it could be so holy and it would be so right
but ghosts of past and present keep us separate tonight

ride the neon river of 66 see the red cliffs of Jemez
standing on Sandia higher than i had ever been
i felt the turn of time and season, lost my bearings and my reason
the sorrow of my loving, i am trying to transcend

i tremble as you hold me, as it comes time to go
leave your eyes of darkest amber that see my very soul
no words can pass between us, that could ever speak that way
so i'll leave my songs to touch you, as i turn and walk away

maybe somewhere on the road, in a different time and place
we may try this dance again with an understanding grace
i'm growing and i'm learning as i rise toward the call
of a different kind of loving, with not so far to fall
not so far to fall
Track Name: You're Not Dead, You're Just in Texas
interstate
night is falling
headlights coming on across the plains
the open road is a good place for thinking
at tired roadside coffee shops where the faces never change

out between the lines in suspended animation
chasing memories of a long ago farewell
lulled by time and distance and the whining of the wheels
i'll still try to find you even though it hurts like hell

when you lose love to the grave, the love is kept in amber
you can build yourself an icon and the saint will never fall

but you're not dead you're just in Texas and i'm punching in 1-915 then I'm hanging up the phone
because you're doing fine down there in Texas
it's time i learned to let it rest and leave well enough alone

thinking about you out working in the winter twilight
you're watching sunsets rolling in across the plains
and the derricks and the towers and the wires are counting out the miles of the empty space that's grown around the things we just can't say

i exit at some little town but there ain't nothing left
houses turning vacant eyes to the dusty winter wind
in this desolation i'm still looking for direction
in busted neon signs with darkened words to show the way

god forbid if you were gone
but it would hurt much less to love you
your absence is like salt in a hurt that just won't heal

but you're not dead you're just in Texas
and i'm punching in 1-915 then I'm hanging up the phone
because you're doing fine down there in Texas
it's time i learned to let it rest and leave well enough alone
and keep on driving
away
Track Name: Take a Rose South For Me
spare change, he said
with a wreath of smoke
floating round his head
his hair was like ropes
and his clothes were in rags
and he carried a guitar
in a home-sewn bag
he said i need a miracle
cuz nothing ever comes for free
but if you can't help me out sister
could you take a rose south for me

take a rose south for me
pay my respects to the family
take a rose south for me
and give my love to Jerry

hair wraps, she said
with beads and threads
twined 'round her head
tie dyed skirts, a silver ring in her nose
and her smile was like
some kind of rainbow
i make a living from show to show
but now i gotta get down to the Bay
if you can't help me out sister
could you take a rose south for me

take a rose south for me
pay my respects to the family
take a rose south for me
and give my love to Jerry

the dire wolf has taken
the leader of the band
and though they never touched me
i can still understand
that the roots of my family tree
go so deep underground
so i respect and honor that memory
and the faithful family southbound

nothing that he said
showed the sorrow inside his head
staring out the window in a suit and tie
secure and settled, gray and wise
thinking back to the summer of '72
in field out west as the Raven flies
the magic and the music
and the meaning of it all
and then the kids down on the sidewalk caught his eye
he said i need another miracle
because i can't seem to get free
so here's an airplane ticket and a hundred dollar bill
could you take a rose south for me

take a rose south for me
pay my respects to my real family
take a rose south for me
and give my love
my everlasting unbroken love
to Jerry
Track Name: The Sewing Machine Song
i came off the assembly line in 1899
paid for by a farmer's wife
three dollars at a time
shipped out to western Oregon
where the land was rich and green
shiny, strong and ready to work,
a new Singer sewing machine
her feet were quick upon my treadle
she made my needle fly
she shined me and she oiled me
said i was her pride
she made trousers for her husband,
clothes for little girls and boys
and the whirring of the my big flywheel
was a welcome joyful noise

she gave me to her daughter
when that girl became a wife
and i was with her 50 years
'til the end of her good life
my paint was worn but my heart was strong
my stitches straight and fine
i was sold at county auction in 1969

the auctioneer was a fine old man
he handled me with pride
said his mother had one just like me
that i had no flaws to hide
we'll start the bidding
gather round you all know the routine
who'll give me fifty dollars
for this Singer sewing machine
no hands were raised no bids were drawn
the crowd was looking bored
by an old black treadle stitcher
whose paint and wood were worn
no fancy stitches, no built-in light, no electricity
and people just don't sew much now
they get their clothes from factories

but one man made a bid that day
5 dollars was his price
and no one counter-offered
though the auctioneer asked twice
he jammed me in a long tin shed
with others just like me
rows and rows of obsolete
black Singer sewing machines

he tore apart my treadle works
added a motor and a light
no more gentle rhythms
i worked full speed day and night
run by scared young women
a long long way from home
stitch the same seam a thousand times a day
work their fingers to the bone.
the joy went out of living
to be used this a-way
to feel their desperation
to run hard every day
so i jammed myself i would not turn
he cursed and raged and swore
ripped me from my table
and dropped me on the floor

stripped off the motor and the light
and carried me outside
to the junk heap in the alley
where he threw me on my side
months passed and i began to rust
some mice lived in my works
i knew my life was over
after ninety years on earth

till one day someone found me
forgotten and alone
the way she touched my rusty wheel
i knew i'd found a home
she hauled me to her cabin
in a funky neighborhood
where simple living's valued
and i'd be loved and understood
she put me in a treadle stand
coaxed my wheel to turn
i felt her joy and caring
her interest and concern
she cleaned me and she oiled me
showed me off to all her friends
repaired the hurts of years of use
and made me sew again.

now the sun warms my shiny ironwork
a cat naps on my stand
but i'm threaded up and ready
fabric basket close at hand
in the quiet of the evening
when the little house is clean
she makes clothing for her babies
on this Singer Sewing Machine

she's smiling as she's sewing
a little dress of velveteen
on a piece of living history,
an old Singer sewing machine.
Track Name: Bainbridge Island
i wrote your name on a wall on Bainbridge Island
near a tavern by the water with a white piece of chalk
the sun shone down on Bainbridge Island
when tears hit the sand they make not a sound

in the sea and the sky i hide from desolation
that is threatening to sink me like a fragile wooden boat
a refuge form the haunting, an island in the space
of the unrelenting yearning that sometimes wears your face

and i hate myself for wanting the things i cannot have
all tangled up and curious like a kitten with a string
am i damned to chase and bound to run this everlasting race
towards mirages of the spirit and a need i can't erase

rain will take your name from Bainbridge Island
tiny dust of white flowing out to sea
clouds ride the wind from the ocean to the desert
touch your face with water and distant love from me

someday we will meet again
its a line that's been sung untold broken times
strange how underneath it all our stories are the same
and this wall becomes the altar for the wishes and the names

i tossed a ring of silver form the ferry to the sea
sinking through the greenness it slowly fell away
facing east i wish for peace to all i could survey
and strength to fill the spaces
of the love i gave away
Track Name: Oregon Rain
winter in this western valley is a dark and quiet time
then came words, gentle bridges
from an open heart and an agile mind
so much to love, so much in common
so much to lose, so much to gain
gave my heart to a distant stranger
somewhere on the coast of Maine
you bring me joy you bring me music
you give your love despite the pain
shine your light into my darkness
sitting here in the Oregon rain

you're so lean and dark and graceful
like that old tomcat i once had
and i love to watch you moving
through the shadows in my head
come and rub yourself against me
scarred and soft, aloof and strong
lay down purring on my blanket
and I'll sing you all of my songs
i'll bring you joy, I'll bring you music
i'll give you love despite the pain
I'll shine my light into your darkness,
lying here in the Oregon rain
we both knew that this would happen
so hold me close and don't say goodbye
let me feel your heart beating
please don't see my rainy eyes
i won't drown in bitter sorrow
for the things that cannot be
there will be another lifetime
and then we'll both be free
you'll bring me joy, I'll bring you music,
we'll share our love, there'll be no pain
we'll create light, hold back the darkness,
maybe somewhere on the coast of Maine
winter wind she shakes my bedroom
as the night takes over day
sad love songs they're a dime a dozen
but that won't stop what i've got to say
I'll love you deep, I'll love you always,
I'll love you till my dying day
send my love with all this music
from way out west in the Oregon rain
you gave me joy you gave me beauty
you gave me love despite your pain
i miss your light inside my darkness
sitting here in the Oregon rain.
Track Name: My Way of Crying
this ain't for famous
this ain't for nothin at all
won't win no gold records
or hear it in no concert halls
this ain't political
no burning issue from the headline news
no fancy playing no vocal curliques
it's just my way of crying
it's just my way of crying

what do you do what can you say
how should you live
when each and every day
could be the last day

we're all born as finite beings
and there are no guarantees
but you can't help feeling cheated
when you face mortality
and the night is drawing closer
and the dawn will never come
will you scream into to the blackness
you can't take me i'm not done

i don't believe in endings
in the circle of life our spirits will never die
but that won't negate the absence
or fill the emptiness inside

standing in the meadow where the trees are all of stone
there's a hole in my existence and i feel so damn alone
and the numbness starts to smother me
and the tears they just won't come
i unshackle my emotions with a guitar and a song
Track Name: Urban Renewal
look here's another one coming down
a hundred-year-old house in the funky part of town
some say that its illegal some say it is unsafe
the landlord's tired of hippies and it's a neighborhood disgrace
guitars playing incense burning plants in pots and tie dye curtains
they love this place and keep it working
but someone's nailed a notice on the door
you just can't live here any more

someone needs another road to regencybriarwoodravencrest estates
so taxpaying commuters won't ever have to wait
or ever be inconvenienced, or ever get home late
to suburban streets where its nice and light and white
sanitized and safety railed a gated paradise for sale
prequalified good credit risks employed only need apply.
the rest of you just wait outside

the wrecking ball is smashing,
old lath and plaster cracking,
a hard hat and a suit lay out the plans,

insurance office, a mini-mart, a parking lot with shopping carts
strip mall modern and looking smart, without a soul without a heart
give me back the streets with trees and the smells of cooking on the breeze,
bikes, skaters, kids & cats & bikes out in the yards
characters both soft and hard, loiter with idle disregard
on this street, this shady street
where lexus fears to tread,

but they're waiting impatiently as the flagger holds them down
distant eyes and tinted glass through my neighborhood they quickly pass
powerlocked and shatterproofed, phone antenna on the roof
aimed at pretentious prefabricated charm
little sterile square of grass, security wires in all the glass
safe from gangs & drugs at last with luxuries, amenties, designer drapes
and heated parking for 3 cars

pave the past,raze the last, give the lost a ticket to somewhere else
but they say not in my backyard
illegals and bums and welfare moms, some say they are unsafe
a stumbling block to progress, sores upon the civic face.
no credit cards, bank accounts no property to tax
no power to stop the swinging of the urban renewal ax

hurry up you, move along
you got no address in this town
and they drape blankets on the windshield,
sleep 3 to a car
Track Name: I Wear Your Love Like a Heavy Sweater
i wear your love like a heavy sweater
shelter from the cold light of day
dusty memories surround me
aged like wine and gently stored away
late at night i drink in secret,
and i am with you, though you are far away
close my eyes, lost in feelings
dreaming darkness the jagged edges fade,
the beauty remains

i wear my love like this old linen shirt
wrinkled and strong, softly worn down
elegance and old faded glory
dressed for a night out on the town
sitting with the other ragged kings and queens
holding our wounded hearts and cups of broken dreams
i whisper your name into the smoky bluesy air
close my eyes against the tears have just one more beer
and wish with all my soul that you were here